writestuck

Philosophy of a Southern Belle: who's this douchebag? [giveaway]

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 20:26:25 +0200

Philosophy of a Southern Belle: who's this douchebag? [giveaway]:

samthemagnificent:

alright my beautiful bitches

i’m just a couple followers away from 50, and i’ve been told that i should do something so. yeah, i decided why the hell not. my tablet’s in the mail from home and all that great stuff, so…

50th follower gets artwork of his/her choice (preferably homestuck, since…

edit: hit 50, so now just reblog for the random picture! whooooo go for itttt good luuuuckkkkk yeahhhhhh

don’t forget to tag it so people can blacklist if they so wish

Ask box is open again!

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 19:10:07 +0200

Ask box is open again!

Jade/Tavros

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 18:51:00 +0200

Fluff!smut requested by anon

“Tavros, are you still in here?”

Tavros looked over his shoulder from where he’d been chatting on his Trollian with Terezi and saw Jade walking in, wearing one of his shirts. She sleepily lifted a hand to run through her hair, and he watched as a flash of white peeked from the hem where it was just barely decent.

“Were you waiting for me?” he asked, pushing the chair back and standing up. His robotic legs clicked on the floor as he walked towards her, his hands holding her hips as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Mmhmm,” she hummed, her arms wrapping around his neck while she leaned against him. She felt him burying his nose in her hair and inhaling, and she smiled with the warm sensation bubbling in her stomach. She pressed a kiss to his neck, and then another. “Come to bed, Tavy,” she murmured.

Tavros made a sound of agreement in the back of his throat. “Okay. Let me tell Terezi and I’ll be there in a second.” Jade started to head towards the bedroom they shared, but he pulled her back by the wrist before she could leave the room and pressed a long, slow kiss to her lips. When he pulled back, he lightly bit her lower lip and trailed a long claw on the underside of her wrist. “Don’t fall asleep,” he purred, feeling his heart rate spike when he felt the hitch in her breath against his lips.

Before she could respond, he released her and went back to his computer. He leaned down so he could type, his teeth biting his lower lip as he tried to think past the mental image of his matesprit’s slowly flushing face and hazing eyes.

AT: wELL, i’M GOING TO GO TO BED,

AT: iT’S PRETTY LATE,

GC: H4H4H4, J4D3 C4M3 1N 4ND GOT YOU, D1DN’T SH3?

GC: YOU TWO 4R3 SO CUT3

GC: >:]

AT: yEAH, sHE DID,

AT: i GUESS THAT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS, hUH,

AT: sO i’LL SEE YOU AT THE PICNIC TOMORROW, tHEN,

GC: YOU GOT 1T!

GC: TRY 4ND G3T SOM3 SL33P!

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4!

— gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT] —

Tavros closed his eyes, torn between embarrassment at the fact that it was so obvious that Jade had come and retrieved him and anticipation that she was sitting in their bedroom, waiting for him while wearing his shirt and nothing else. The latter won out, and he shut off his computer before leaving the office.

When he walked in, he smiled when he saw Jade setting their alarm clock. She was sitting on a towel she’d laid down since using a pail with his human matesprit was still a challenge. She looked up when she realized he was there, and she smiled fondly at him. She set the alarm clock down, then reached out a hand for him to take. He stepped forward, taking her hand in his and interlacing his fingers with hers.

It still awed him that she reciprocated his feelings. His eyes traced down her arm from where their hands met, up her throat and up to her eyes. Slowly, he brought her hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles and watching her eyelids drift downwards. She licked her lips, causing his blood to rush in his veins.

“Tav,” she whispered, her free hand reaching up to clench in his shirt. She pulled him closer to where she was sitting on the edge of the bed, putting her legs on either side of his hips and wrapping her bare legs around the backs of his metal knees.

He lifted his right hand, his fingers lightly trailing up the side of her neck before his thumb traced her lower lip. She tilted her head back, closing her eyes and arching her back against his body while pulling him closer. He bent down, sealing his lips over hers in a slow and deep kiss, releasing her hand in favor of running his hands through her hair.

She parted her lips and swallowed his breath, smoothing the palms of her hands up his sides beneath his shirt to feel the warm skin of his torso contrasting against the coolness of his robotic legs. She trailed her nails down his skin lightly, exhaling shakily when he bit her lower lip again. She cracked her eyes open and met his intense gaze with a swirl of affection in her gut.

He pressed his body against her more fully, and she leaned back at his gentle push. Her back hit the comforter, her heart skipping a beat as his full weight pressed against her and his breath washed over her face. She wrapped her legs around his hips, Her fingers rising to trace lines over his cheekbones before she pressed a sweet kiss to his lips.

He propped up his body over her, looking down at her gently rising chest where his symbol rested. He lightly trailed his fingers from her throat down to the valley of her breasts, pausing when he was in the middle of his symbol, before continuing down. His eyes rose to watch her face as she flushed more with every inch gained, and she shivered when he gripped the fabric in his hand and pulled it up to reveal her white panties and stomach.

“I love you,” he murmured into her neck as he let his palm follow the contour of her stomach up to her breasts. He could never say it enough, because he still didn’t quite believe she return his feelings. “I love you. I love you.”

She pulled him back down so that he was once again letting all his weight sink into her, her lips slanting over his as she kissed him until they were both shivering and breathless. “I love you too, Tav,” she replied, reaching her hands to the back of his head and drawing her nails over the sensitive skin on the back of his neck. She whimpered when his hips pressed into hers, his sharp teeth gently mimicking her action on her throat. “I, ah… I love you… too…. ah,” she gasped out, her pulse picking up as he arched his lower body into hers yet again.

“Wear my shirts more often,” he said into her skin, blushing a bit when he heard how husky his voice sounded. It had taken him quite some time to feel comfortable enough around her to tell her things he liked, but between Kanaya and Rufio, his confidence slowly allowed him to share such information.

He reached down to the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head and tossing it to the side. He pulled his shirt off at the same time, then leaned down and kissed her collarbone. He felt her hands curling around to his back, and he exhaled a quivering breath when she drug her nails down the contour of his spine. He loved it when she did that.

His lips found hers again, and he groaned into her mouth when he felt her hands fingering the back of his jeans. She slipped her fingers under the waistband, circling around until she was at the front. With a twist of her wrists, the button was undone. A light fingertip traced the zipper down, then back up, and then she slowly pushed it down.

When he cupped her breast to reciprocate, she inhaled sharply through her nose while shivers ran down her spine. She broke the kiss for a quick breath, then kissed him again, sucking his tongue into her mouth before running hers over every sensitive place she knew by heart. She knew Tavros still had issues with his self-confidence, so she always made sure to know just how special he made her feel.

“Tavros,” she breathed, keeping her face as close to his as possible, “I want you. God I want you.” She could feel the blood rush to his cheeks, but as his hands trailed down her side and hooked in her panties, she knew she’d gotten him properly riled up. She released her hold on his legs long enough for him to pull off her panties and for him to remove his pants and boxer briefs, and when she saw that his seedflap was open and his bulge was twisting eagerly, she bit her lip in anticipation.

She reached out her hands and he went eagerly into her embrace, his hands going to the back of her thighs to encourage them to wrap around his hips. Her fingers wrapped around his horns, a breathless groan escaping her lips when his bulge worked between her folds until it was buried deep inside her. She quivered, her mouth falling open as he moved his hips gently against hers even while the tentacle inside her writhed against every sensitive orifice she had.

“Oh, fuck,” she whimpered, clutching her matesprit to her tightly and bucking her hips unconsciously against his. His hands gripped her tightly, his face bright brown as he grunted loudly and started to move with her less gently. Her mouth fell open, her fingers digging into his back as she desperately sought for an anchor in her blind pleasure.

Tavros’ head fell forward as he felt his blood rushing through his whole body, the smell and feel of his matesprit against him driving him close to the edge. She was gasping against him, her nails digging almost painfully into his skin. He clenched his jaw, reaching a thumb between their locked bodies to find that one place his human lover had that always made her come faster.

He knew he found it when she made a high-pitched gasp, her nails dragging down his back and leaving long brown scratches. He worked his thumb around that place at the same pace his bulge was undulating inside of her, pressing his hips as hard against hers and holding her against him with his free hand. She clenched her legs around his hips tightly, quivering and shaking and trying to pull him deeper inside of her. And then, he felt the beginnings of her orgasm as her muscles started to contract wildly.

“Tav, oh Tav, I’m, oh God,” she gasped, throwing her head back and biting her lip so she didn’t wake their sopor-slimed flatmate. The muscles of her nook were tightening wildly around his bulge, and the need to pail grew until he couldn’t hold it back anymore. His teeth ground together and his bulge released a flood of tan fluid. It spilled out of Jade’s body onto the towel, and he remained motionless as he rode out his orgasm. He was distantly aware that she was running her hands over his horns, holding him tight against her as she came with him.

He slowly relaxed against her, burying his face in the crook of her neck as his chest heaved in an attempt to get air. She was running her hands mindlessly through the damp hair at his nape, her chest moving in sync with his as she pressed kiss after kiss on his temple.

“What time is the picnic tomorrow?” she asked after they finally caught their breath, biting her lip when she felt his bulge pull out of her body and slowly retreat back into his seedflap, leaving shivers in its wake.

“Ten,” he replied while he sat up and used the towel to clean the sticky residue off of their legs before lying on her side and pulling her to him. He always loved getting together with the rest of his friends, and every month they did something as one large group. It almost always ended up being crazy, but considering who his friends were, it only made sense.

She wound her arms around his torso, her lips covering his shoulder with kisses. “That’s what I thought. I set the alarm for eight thirty.” He made a sound in the back of his throat to show he agreed, since it always took him a while to bathe. Equius had told him that it would be okay if his legs got wet, but that it would probably be better if he didn’t bathe with them. Besides, he always enjoyed morning baths better when he could share them with Jade, and if she’d set the alarm for that early, then that was definitely on her mind.

“Okay, that sounds good,” he murmured, closing his eyes when he felt something warm and wet against his throat. He hummed low in his throat, his hands tightening slightly on her back as she licked a gentle trail up to his jawline, nibbling on it before kissing to his pointed ear.

“You taste good,” she said, one of her legs slowly wrapping around his while her hand trailed up his chest. His breath caught in his throat when she bit his ear and ran a finger around one of his nipples, her leg rising to brush against his seedflap. “Like chocolate.”

Tavros exhaled a sad excuse for a breath, only to have it get lost in his lungs again when she shifted so that he was on his back and she was straddling him. His hands fell to her hips, his thumbs rubbing circles on the already abused skin there as she nibbled on the sensitive area below his ear. “Wh-what about a towel,” he managed to gasp as she rubbed her body over his, his still-sensitive skin heating up in record time.

“I’ll do laundry tomorrow,” she replied, kissing the tip of his nose before finally pressed her lips to his. He moaned as he surrendered, his hands tracing the outline of her sides as his seedflap parted once again. His bulge went between her legs and rubbed against that spot she liked, causing her to stiffen against him. “Ung, Tavros, that feels good,” she praised, rubbing against him.

“You feel good,” Tavros rephrased honestly, his hands falling to her hips as he pushed his bulge into her nook. He watched her face flush red with pleasure, her eyes opening to meet his. Her mouth was hanging open as his tentacle rubbed against the sides of her nook, drawing delicious sounds from her throat and causing her to buck lightly against him.

“Don’t stop,” she pleaded, desperately trying to keep their locked eye contact even as the pleasure racked her body with shivers. When he moved a finger to that magical spot, she cried out a soft gasp. Her hands found his horns, holding them tightly as she desperately tried to bounce her hips on him despite his hold. “Tav, please!”

“Hrng, don’t - d-don’t move,” he grunted, holding her tightly against him and using gravity to go deep inside her nook. Her head fell forward as she started to come, her hands finding his chest and her mouth hanging open. She panted, her leg muscles tightening, and then he felt it.

“Tavros!” she cried, her fingers curling on his chest and her nook squeezing him tight. “Tavros, oh God! Tavros!” His tentacle moved wildly around to prolong her orgasm as long as he could push it, his own approaching in a roar. He came hard into her quivering mess of a body, brown fluid escaping onto the bedsheets and matching the sheen of sweat that coated his whole body.

“Fuck,” he gasped out, his head falling back against the bed. He moved his bulge around inside of her a bit, groaning and feeling her shiver against him due to her oversensitive body. He rubbed her gently and very slowly, enjoying the constant quivering of her body and the afterglow of pleasure it gave them both.

“That was amazing,” she croaked, lifting a hand to wipe her cheeks from where she’d actually cried in her rupture. She hummed at the slow movement of his tentacle inside of her, resting her head on his chest and placing her arms on either side of his head. “You’re amazing.”

Tavros smiled tiredly, his arms wrapping around his matesprit fondly and cradling her close to him. He reached down to the end of the bed where they had a decorative blanket, pulling it over her body as much as possible. He then grabbed a pillow from the top of the bed and propped it under his head, rearranging it behind his horns so he wouldn’t tear it open. Once he had it fixed, he relaxed his body and pulled his bulge back into his seedflap. “Goodnight, Jade,” he whispered into his matesprit’s hair, closing his eyes and smiling in happiness when she murmured a response against his collar.

— gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] —

GC: 1 F33L SO B4D FOR YOU R1GHT NOW

GC: 1 M34N, 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO G3T 4NY SL33P?

GC: H4H4H4H4

TC: aw now don’t make fun of my brother like that.

TC: HE NEEDS TO GET SOME ACTION.

TC: shit’s motherfuckin miracles, and he needs that.

TC: SO EVEN IF I DON’T GET SLEEP SOMETIMES,

TC: at least it’s for a good cause.

GC: WOW YOU’R3 4 GOOD FR13ND

GC: 1’M 4CTU4LLY 1MPR3SS3D

TC: FRIENDSHIP IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MIRACLE,

TC: so i’ll just kick back some wicked elixir here,

TC: AND ENJOY THE MOTHERFUCKIN SHOW.

GC: >:[

GC: TH4T’S N4STY

GC: L1K3, 4CTU4LLY N4STY

GC: UGH 1’M L34V1NG

TC: ;o)

TC: HONK

— gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] —

Karkat/Terezi: human!stuck college AU

Fri, 25 May 2012 01:24:00 +0200

Request by elpinoine:

In which Karkat meets Terezi for the first time in a human!stuck college AU

It had been her obnoxious laughter that had pulled Karkat’s attention the first time. He’d been perusing the new DVDs that had come in the good old, familiar romance section, browsing the titles and imagining what delicious social lessons he could learn from the guilty pleasures on discs. But her laugh, high-pitched and borderline annoying, distracted him long enough to pull his gaze from Nicholas Cage.

“Hehehehe, it totally looks just like you, Dave!”

“That guy is such a tool, I could ride the most ironically fucked up motorcycle into a garage filled with awesome puppets and fix that shit so tight and fine it’d squeak like a freshly minted horn.”

Did these people not understand this was a fucking library?! There were signs all over the goddamned place telling people to keep their protein chutes closed, but these two were yapping along without a fucking concern to common fucking decency. Karkat felt his fingers tightening on the DVD case, and he closed his eyes and counted to ten. Or least, he made it to three before there was another bout of that nail-on-a-chalkboard laugh.

That was it. The last motherfuckin’ straw. (God he needed to get away from Gamzee.)

Karkat turned on his heel and started stalking towards the direction where he’d heard the voices, and he left the aisle where the DVDs were, and -

Holy shit. He was not expecting that ass.

“Don’t be such a bastard, meanie! He even wears sunglasses all the time, just like you! You’d make such good brothers!” When she laughed this time, it had the same condescension dripping from every syllable, but he was focused instead on the shape of her lips as they parted to release the mirthful sound. She was bent over the table in front of some blond douchebag, and he found himself flushing a nice red as his eyes followed the excellent arch of her spine to the curve of her ass in her jeans as it moved side to side with her playfully dancing hips.

“Whatever. The only thing I’m making is like a banana and split out of here. Egbert’s got some sick new game he wants to play and Rose won’t keep her shit in the pan about it. Besides, don’t you have class with that enormous fucking ass of a teacher?” The blond continued to lament about this game he and “Egbert” were going to play while interspersing it with bitching about this teacher, but Karkat ignored the blond’s self-declared “ironic diatribe” and instead memorized the shape of her long legs as they - oh fuck she was looking at him.

“Who’re you?” she called loudly, and Karkat fiercely fought the need to abscond and beat the shit out of his head with his fist. “Oh, wait, aren’t you Sollux’s roommate?”

“How the fuck did you know that?!” Karkat asked, his face going red with embarrassment and hoping to hell he could pull it off as anger. How the hell did she know who he was when he didn’t know her? How had he missed this?!

Again with that laughter, which sent shivers down his spine when they were directed at him. He wasn’t quite sure if they were good or bad. “I went to your dorm room once, stupid! You were spazzing on your computer like some kind of kid and screaming shit about your blog!” Her smile was so wide he wondered if her face was going to break. “I guess you don’t notice girls, huh?”

“What the fuck kind of shit are you spewing from that slasher smile of a mouth?! Just because I don’t remember every random ass person that comes in asking that fuckass for help with computers, like he’s some sort of fucking technological messiah, you suddenly get to imply shit about my fucking life? As if it was any of your fucking business!”

She was sauntering towards him now, hips and eyelashes and teal eyes and holy shit perfume. “But I remember you,” she said, dangerously close to invading his personal bubble. And then, when she spoke, she leaned forward in such a manner that forced him to lean back to avoid a kiss or something similarly physically tactile. “My name’s Terezi. Are you going to remember me this time?”

“If you get any closer in my personal fucking space, I swear to God I’m going to flip my shit,” Karkat graveled out, biting his tongue hard in his mouth when he heard the stutter at the beginning and the low tone of his voice. Fucking shit. He wanted to tell her his name, wished for just a moment that he was the one who had been sitting across from her and getting all her attention, wanted to know her well enough that he didn’t skip over his words whenever she laughed in his face.

“Terezi, leave him alone or you’re gonna be late for class,” the blond guy called, hoisting a bag out of his chair while reaching for a pair of headphones while heading for the door of the library. Terezi straightened that elegantly curving spine of hers and bounded after her blond friend. And then, she turned, giving Karkat a wink and waving her fingers at him in a suitably condescendingly cute fashion.

“Hehehe, Tell Sollux I said hi, Karkat!” And then she was gone, leaving him to stare at her retreating hips sway and fight the rage in his belly that she’d known him and he’d completely fucking missed knowing her.

Eridan/Feferi

Tue, 22 May 2012 23:59:53 +0200

He loved the ocean. The ocean, wide and free and filled with enthralling allures of danger. The ocean where they frolicked sweep after sweep together, hunting until it seemed murky with blood, a reminder of so many trolls they’d orphaned together in their prime. A crack of his gun and she’d snare the lusus in her net, just as she’d snared him with her bright eyes and quick smile. But instead of being fed to her monstrous guardian, he suffered a fate much worse.

A burden. That’s what she’d called him. Emotional baggage, nothing more than a clingy grub on the hem of her magnificent imperial dress, dazzled by the sight of so many magnificent jewels. By desperately reaching out and trying to hold her in his arms, he’d forced her through the spaces of his hands until not even the tips of his fingers could reach her. He’d tried to impress her with his subjugation of the inferior land dwellers, but her absurd love for their inferior blood had made him the fool.

He had acted the fool willingly, if only so that she would hold him back. Even if her hands, small and elegant, were holding his shoulder so he didn’t rampage, at least he could still have her touch. He could stay pale for her, he supposed. But time had passed and his feelings had flushed more and more, until it bled into his dreams of matesprit calls spilling from her ebony lips. He’d pushed harder and harder for a quadrant shift, desperate for her to look at him with something besides fond, friendly exasperation in her eyes.

“I don’t understand,” he’d murmured into the salty air, wishing his hands were cradling her head against his. Now, he was here, stuck on this hell of a rock where he couldn’t hide. There was no ocean for him to disappear into anymore, no murky water for his tears to shield themselves.

He’d tried every quadrant with her, and in the end, it had been the caliginous quadrant that had worked. In the moment he’d seen her on the horn pile with that inferior waste of any decent troll’s time, in that one moment, he’d felt blacker for her than the midnight depths of the sea. There had been no words, no actions saturated in hatred enough for what rage had steeled his heart. And when he’d struck the psionic down, the look in her eyes had mirrored the same shade of that blackened move.

But it had only been that moment, and after fleeing the room in a furious rage, the memory of her exquisite blood staining the floor gave him pause. Such a beautiful color when it stained her cheeks as she laughed, it was astoundingly ugly on the tile beneath her corpse. Every step away from her took him a step out of his kismesis inclination and into the horrified light of red until there was no hate left in his body. The only hint it had ever been there was the hollow pang in his chest, the burning of his eyes.

And with a bitter smile towards yet another failed attempt at having her in any sort of quadrant, he pressed his scarf to his eyes and covered his nose to block out the smell.

Because even then, she’d smelled of the ocean.

samthemagnificent: reiburger: samthemagnificent: ceruleancynic...

Tue, 22 May 2012 22:35:13 +0200

samthemagnificent:

reiburger:

samthemagnificent:

ceruleancynic:

abigcorpseparty:

kaysaymay:

shubbabang:

reiburger:

AU where Dave and Karkat are detectives and reluctantly paired up and UST happens

I really need to stop drawing random AU shit i’m sorry ;w;;;;

asdfghjkl;

omg i really like this au?????

Karkat, I can’t handle your shoulder holsters.

this is the best picture

and also they are demonstrating good trigger discipline

dang :3 :3 :3

I will be writing this. like. soon.

i would like vomit with happiness if someone wrote something

what fresh sack of shit have I written oh well look at all the fucks I give

—————-

Doc Scratch isn’t the kind of serial killer you can get on your own, Karkat. You’re gonna need help.

That’s what she’d said, Karkat thought as he ran the cloth over one of his trusty M1911 pistols. Aradia always had a way, a sixth sense almost, about knowing things like this ahead of time. But gogdamn if he hated it sometimes. Hated the way she was right and he had no reason to protest that damn Strider’s presence in his life, even if it was just for this fucking Doc Scratch case.

“If you polish that shit any longer Doc Scratch will see us coming like a fucking beam in the night and pop an ironic bullet between your eyes before you can wish for a sweet bottle of aj.”

Karkat felt his teeth grinding together, and he shot the foulest glare he could muster to the doorway where his partner was leaning like some sort of arrogant god. Dave Strider… He was the cool guy in the division, all smooth rhymes and tight denim with ironic eyeshades even in the fucking building, but shit if Karkat didn’t want anything to do with that tight denim and sweet ass moves on the field that had promoted the man ten years past his projected tract.

“Shut the fuck up!” Karkat spat, shoving the weapon in his shoulder holster to match its twin on his right side. “Just because I take care of my guns doesn’t mean that you get to pontificate like a fuckass!” He stood, reaching over the bench and slamming his locker door. It bounced back open, and Karkat could feel the raised eyebrow Dave was sporting. “I could shit better storage equipment than this!”

“Dude, I don’t even want to hear about your bathroom issues. You can take that shit up with John since he just loves listening to people’s problems. Terezi said Aradia has a lead from our run last week, and I came - oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Karkat traced Dave’s eyes (as best as he could see them, anyway) to his locker door, where he had a poster of his favorite romcom. It was a work of art, really, with all kinds of quadrant vacillation, heavy swearing, and even a full-nude pan of Jessica Alba. The poster itself had her wrapped in a passionate embrace between two men, who were themselves looking at each other. Art.

“What the hot mess of fresh fuck am I looking at, Karkat?” Dave asked, putting a hand on his temple. “Actually, you know what, I don’t even want to hear about your romantic tirades again. If you want to be all over Jessica Alba, that’s your deal. Let’s just go and take a look at Aradia’s lead. Please God.”

Karkat slammed the door shut, feeling a hot flush rise to his cheeks. He opened his mouth to spew a finely articulated response, but Dave straightened from where he’d been leaning against the door, running a hand through his pale blond hair while turning. And for a moment, Karkat felt the flush in his cheeks deepen. In the motion, Dave’s jacket had parted, giving Karkat a nice flash of flat abs and concealed strength. “Fuckass,” he muttered, watching Dave maneuver through the halls like a cougar.

Time warped as he studied Dave’s movements through the air, his gun creating a bulge on his hip that shifted his jacket just enough to tease a view of more lean torso. His cologne lingered in the air for a few steps, just long enough for Karkat to notice and grind his teeth to keep from opening his mouth and saying something, foul or otherwise.

They left the building and headed for the department’s unmarked car, a black beauty that hummed of sexual prowess and irony almost as much as Dave did. Dave, who reached for the keys that were resting on the vacated checkout desk at the exact same time as Karkat. Karkat was ready to strife for this shit.

“Let go of the keys, Strider.”

“You fuck, I’m driving. Give me the keys.” His hand reached out and clenched Karkat’s, trying to part his fingers and reach the keys. Karkat growled, clenching his fist tighter.

“What is your problem? You drove last time, so it’s my fucking turn.”

“I always drive, you presumptuous sack of shit. Give me the keys.”

Karkat pulled his hand further, glaring into Dave’s red eyes through those damn sunglasses, his nose getting a full fucking whiff of that cologne shit Dave always wore. “You smell like a fucking French whore, Strider. Give me the keys. We’re driving with the windows down to air that shit out before I die in the writhing pile of lusus feces that is that stench.”

Dave frowned a bit, then suddenly smirked. Karkat narrowed his eyes; he did not like it when Dave got that fucking expression on his face. “That’s funny. Terezi told me you liked the smell of my cologne, Vantas.”

Karkat felt his face explode red in perfect time with his rage. His arm was starting to quiver, though whether that was because of his rage or because of Strider’s obnoxiously strong pull, he didn’t know or care. “You fucking shit, I could eat a can of alphabet soup and shit a better lie than that! I never said anything to Terezi about that!”

“Oh, you don’t deny it.”

“Please feel free to let go of the keys and go fuck yourself! I’ll sit here and wait, even!”

“Is that an invitation, Vantas?”

“An invitation to let go of the fucking keys and choke on the shit you’re spewing out of that trash receptacle you call a mouth!” Dave was closer now, and Karkat felt his fist grow even tighter around the keys when he realized he could see Dave’s eyes perfectly even through his shades, even at night. The body heat was radiating from his tight denim, the bulge in his pants so close - “Arrrrggghhhh! Fine, you’re driving you little shit! But only because I’m riding with my head out the fucking window so I don’t have to smell you or look at you or do anything remotely involving you besides riding in the same vehicle!”

Karkat released the keys, but it was a few seconds before Dave straightened. “Got it,” he said simply, turning and walking towards the car, and Karkat clenched his fists when he realized how hard he was breathing and how accelerated his heart rate was. He stiffly walked towards the other side of the car, ignoring Dave’s smirk as the bastard leaned on his open door, and got into the car to follow Aradia’s lead on Doc Scratch.

He hated it when she was right.